New Beginnings: An Update on Seasonal Affective Disorder

In January last year I wrote a post about Seasonal Affective Disorder. To my surprise lots of people have been in touch since, to tell me that they suffer from SAD too, or to say that they read this post and came to realise why it is that they feel like a different person during the dark winter months. I've come to a significant decision in my dealings with this disorder in the past week, so I thought now, as we emerge from another winter, might be as good a time as any to give you an update on how I've coped with it this year, and other little positive habits I've picked up in doing so.

You can read about my own past with SAD here. If you've not visited this subject with me before you'll find it helpful to read that first, then come back, (hello!) But just to clarify - for some people SAD can take the form of crippling, life halting depression during the darker months of the year. They can become suicidal even, and have no choice but to rely on anti-depressants to help them through until Spring. SAD does not manifest in that way for me. I have suffered mild depression in past years due to SAD - enough to make me very unhappy and feel the need to seek official diagnosis - but I cannot comment on what it's like to have chronic depression, and wouldn't even try to. I feel it's important to make that distinction for the sake of those who will tell you that this is a disorder that can be incredibly debilitating, so we must be aware that there is a spectrum of suffering.

Anyway, I'm pleased to say that the Autumn/Winter of 2013/14 has brought no symptoms of depression for me at all this year. I'm not sure why this is, whether it's the result of coping strategies or luck. I have felt down and frustrated at my lack of energy and productivity, but I could see that had a direct cause. The downside is that I have noticed feeling much, much more tired than in previous winters. That feeling of being a bit like a badger, the desperate need to crawl into bed and hibernate, has been particularly strong. I have felt physically tired, and wanted to sleep much more.

This isn't surprising, because if you think about it, this very wet, mild winter has meant that we haven't had that very bright winter sun in the mornings and at sunset. As much as I have appreciated not having to drive to work on icy roads, the absence of the sun that tends to accompany very cold days has meant that we in the UK have spent weeks at a time in dull grey light - the very worst for those of us who need as much sun exposure as we can get at that time of year.

I work full time, work part-time on the side and have a very active life around my work. While I have functioned in my jobs, I've really felt the need to ration other activities over the winter. I have never said no to a social activity, but it might mean that a coffee with a friend is all I do that day. I might spend the whole of Saturday on a day out, but it would be a few days before I scheduled anything else. I found myself doing this subconsciously, allowing gaps in my diary for recuperating and going to bed as early as I liked.

The side-symptom to this need for hibernation has been feeling mentally sluggish. I've been more forgetful, preoccupied and felt generally less on-the-ball than I would normally. I feel like I've dropped a fair few brain cells somewhere! This can feel very frustrating, and has meant high-concentration activities like driving and keeping track of ongoing projects at work have been more tiring. I've had to stop myself during tasks, to re-focus and step back and check what I'm doing. I've definitely been making more silly mistakes and felt more ditsy, and that has meant having more 'bad days' where I chastise myself and get annoyed that my brain won't work at full capacity.

So that's the negative. Onto the positive and my decision. You can read my post of last January to see how I cope year to year with SAD, and if you're starting to think you're a sufferer too I hope you'll find the tips useful. Here's what I've added this time round:

• I have bought The World's Best Alarm Clock. I need to wake up at 6am every morning for work, and SAD sufferer or not, most people say it's the worst part of the day during the winter. This clock by Lumie starts to very gradually light up half an hour before my get up time, and wakes me with imitation daylight. No more being jerked awake by a harsh alarm, then having to fight to find the light switch before my body pulls me back into sleep again. No more tiredness headaches in the morning. Huzzah! It's a bloomin' expensive alarm clock, but has been the single best investment I have ever made for dealing with SAD (and mornings in general), because it works with my natural circadian rhythm. It's also going to help now that the clocks have gone forward an hour and mornings will be darker again for a while. It's not nearly so hard to get out of bed now. It also helps to have a dog who is very fond of breakfast.

• Happy music in the car. Like many people I spend a lot of time every week in my car. I'm a morning person so the drive to work is usually okay, but the real danger when you have SAD is that it's either dark or getting dark when you're on your way home. Dark = drowsy. Drowsy = very dangerous. My most sleepy time of the day happens to be the time I need to be most alert. So it's happy, bouncy music only in my car during the winter! The boppier the better. It keeps me singing (badly), improves my mood, and keeps me awake. I also listen to lots of audiobooks on familiar journeys, to keep my brain ticking over (it's been quite nice, driving home through the rain, listening to Harry Potter, Enid Blyton and Paddington Bear, you should try it!), and I vary the route I take whenever I can. If you have the option of walking part-way or cycling to work, I'm sure that will make a big difference to your mood and energy levels. 

• Wee Willie Winkie ain't got nothing on me. I don't care if it's only 9pm. If I'm so tired during the dark evenings that I'm getting a headache, I allow myself to retire to bed. It's far better than languishing on the sofa, unable to function and feeling miserable, and the extra sleep helps me to function better at work the next day. If I have something on in the evenings, fine, I'm there and I'm taking part, but if the day's work is done and I start sighing and wondering whether to flop in front of the tv, I don't. Bedtime. I've also started getting ready for bed much earlier, so that by the time I decide I'm sleepy I don't have to start having a mental argument about taking my make up off, showering, making lunch for the next day, blah blah blah.

• I'm like a whirling dervish in the mornings. I refuse to let SAD steal away six months months (half my life!) of energy and productivity every year, so I have to work smart when I'm at my best each day. For me that's the mornings. I make a colour-coded to-do list without fail the night before (usually while sitting in bed with just the one eye open!), and I try to do as much of it as I can by lunchtime. It's pretty good practise all year round, actually. SAD has forced me to become much more organised!

• I still believe exercise is the best answer. Yep. It's the toughest part. The last thing in the world I want to do is stride around the streets near my house in the dark during the winter. It's cold, I'm sleepy, and it takes an age to wrap up in layers. Not to mention cleaning the mud off Bea when we get home, and that annoying thing where my socks come off with my boots. Gah. But I got a dog to trick myself into exercise, because she needs it every day, and I know exercise wakes me up, puts me in a better mood, and stops me feeling quite so sluggish and lethargic. I've also just bought some running shoes...

• It's the simple things. It's always a good thing to notice the small pleasures in life and be more mindful, but I find it particularly helpful during the winter, when I'm more easily stressed and a worrier. I've planted seeds to grow in the office at work, made sure I always had a craft project on the go, varied my packed lunches much more, and dozens of other little things to brighten the day and give myself something to look forward to. Not one of them took much energy, but it's nice to wake up in a morning and think, "I wonder if my seedlings have appeared yet," or "ooh, houmous for lunch today!"

So, onto my decision. I'm a great fan of planning, making lists and setting myself big and little goals. The traditional time of year to do this is, of course, New Year. The prospect of a fresh new annum, full of possibility has always appealed to me, and it's one of my favourite rituals to spend some time in December planning ahead and setting exciting new challenges. 

Except. We're now a quarter of the way into 2014. I have spent that first quarter feeling like my biggest achievement has been to get out of bed every morning and just about function until it's time to flop, exhausted, back onto the pillows again at night. Some days are better than others between January and March, but generally it's not the ideal time for me to be springing into action on my new year's resolutions. I adore Christmas, but I tend to find it tiring (I had a three-hour nap on Christmas Day last year), and by New Year I'm worried about where on earth I'm going to find the energy to bounce into January with much enthusiasm. I'm just too tired.

I was musing on this problem one evening last week in the bath. I thought about how happy I am that it is now Spring. I'm starting to feel back to my energetic Tigger-like self, interested in everything and anything, bursting with creativity and plans and feeling full of mischief. And it occurred to me (as the best ideas do when in the bath) that it's a really rubbish idea for me to run my year from January to December. What's the use in making all sorts of exciting plans and goals, then feeling so tired that I can even begin to make a dent in them, and ending up declaring myself useless and a failure? Would it not be better to turn a little bit Pagan about the whole thing, and shift my year to begin when I'm at my best, in the Spring? 

So there, folks, is my significant decision. My year now runs April to March. This means I can put all that enthusiasm for a new year into action immediately and see results as the new leaves are forming on the trees, the lambs are skipping round the fields, and the sun is shining. 

"Aha," you might be thinking, "Aha, hold on there Skippy. You still have to have winter at some point in your year. What then?" 

You see, it's just a mental shift. By the time Autumn and Winter come along, I'll have had my most productive time of the year, instead of starting it in my worst. I'll be winding down my year as the weather turns colder and the nights draw in, and I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that the biggest challenges of my year have been met (or not, but I will have tried) and I can plan for the more slow-paced goals, such as maintaining my current fitness levels, learning a new craft or reading certain books, etc., when I start to feel woozy again. As I've mentioned before, I actually enjoy many elements of autumn and winter, and it would be nice to be able to relax and enjoy curling up and resting, without beating myself up and rushing to meet un-ticked goals before the year ends. 

If Spring is all about new beginnings and rebirth, it doesn't make sense for me to start my year in the cold and dark, when the natural world is sleeping and my body wants me to do the same. So I am realigning my year to fit with nature's way of doing things. 

So, Happy New Year from me! What about you? SAD sufferer or not, would you change the very fabric of how your year works? I'll be interested to read your thoughts!

PS: Check out my SAD Pinterest board. 

Some Thoughts on Seasonal Affective Disorder

I was eighteen years old when I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I was in my first winter of university and felt I wasn't quite handling life with the same verve, capability and energy as my new friends. While they appeared to run on batteries that never drained, I felt shattered all the time, thought about hiding in my bed even more than is normal for your average student, and in fact, felt miserable. Not knowing why made me even more miserable. I even joked that perhaps I'd been a badger in a previous life - after all, I really identified with the impulse to feed myself up then crawl into a warm safe place and shut down until the blossom was on the trees. I didn't realise that I was right - I was trying to get my brain to work in tune with the demands of the modern day lifestyle, while my body wanted to make like my ancestors and feed up, be active for the short daylight hours, then sleep whenever it was dark. It seemed I was fighting my own chronobiology. (Word of the day for you there). 

Diagnosis was a relief because it meant that a) it wasn't anything too serious (in my case), and something I could quite definitely handle myself without medication, and b) I was normal. I had been worried until that point that the student life wasn't for me, that I was in some way not cut out for it.

Life continued, as it does, and to be honest, I didn't take the disorder too seriously. I noticed it, alright. I noticed that by October everything from doing the laundry to getting up in the morning became much, much harder work. I noticed that I craved sugary food and hot drinks almost constantly, felt more dopey - less switched on in my work. I noticed that I seemed to crawl through the days and weeks, feeling frustrated because I'd fall into bed every night having lived exactly the same, unproductive, shattering day as the one before. I obsessed over silly mistakes, worried even more than usual and lost the ability to concentrate without monumental effort. But I suppose although I'd had a proper diagnosis I didn't want to acknowledge the disorder as a real presence, something that very much dominates half my year and needed dealing with.

I'm not sure what changed. Perhaps I finally got fed up with feeling constantly tired, lethargic and frustrated with myself for never achieving all I wanted to each day. I remember being surprised when work colleagues would ask, say on a Wednesday, what I would be doing with my evening. Doing with my evening? Isn't being at work all day enough? 

It began to feel as though my twenties were slipping away, and I wasn't filling my days with all the fun stuff I'd imagined. In fact, I was losing half of each year to SAD and spending the other half trying to get the right amount of daylight vs. too much sun exposure, and recovering from the winter. That's half of my entire life. I was also irritated, because I actually really love autumn and winter. I look forward to the leaves falling, warm woolly jumpers, boots and gloves, Bonfire Night and Christmas and snow and hot chocolate. Having to dread the colder months because it meant putting life on hold until the spring wasn't an option. 

So in 2011 I started to take SAD more seriously. To be grown up about it, and to view it as a presence which visits each year, but with the right attitude, something which can be accommodated and can even help me to live a healthier lifestyle. 

You may be wondering why I decided to write about this topic on a blog which is primarily about crafts, creativity and splashings of vintage. Well first of all, it's thought that the numbers of sufferers of SAD are really quite high here in the northern hemisphere. For some it's a case of feeling a little down, more sleepy than usual. For others it's full blown, debilitating, life-ruining depression. Famous gardener Monty Don, for example, suffers terribly (interesting article here, by the way). I thought that if any of you reading this might identify with any of what I'm saying, you may be able to do something about it. Simple. Second, if you're a regular reader of this 'ere weblog we probably have a fair few interests in common. In which case you'll identify with number 3 below:

How I Deal With SAD

1. Don't be a llama like I was. Take it seriously. SAD doesn't mean you're going to spend half of every year on anti-depressants (some sufferers do need them, but for most it isn't necessary). A few lifestyle changes should help you through.

2. I do have a lightbox. I'm not entirely convinced it works, but then I'll take the placebo effect. I like to pop mine on first thing in the morning as it helps me wake up if nothing else. Read about those here. 

3. CREATIVITY. I actually feel at my least creative at this time of year. Or I come up with ideas, but lack the motivation and energy required to bring them to fruition. But being creative - or doing whatever it is that you love - will go a long, long way in helping you. SAD is one of the main reasons I started Creatives Unite. Take advantage! I can't put into words just how much this blog and crafts help me feel more energised and give me purpose and confidence at a time when I usually feel worthless, miserable and worn out. Whether it's gardening like Monty Don, painting, crochet, writing or playing the ukulele, make time in your day for it. It's the perfect excuse, after all. 

I'll stop carping on in a minute. 

4. Get outside whenever you can. It seems obvious, I know, but it's the single most important thing you can do. It's no coincidence that I started dealing with my SAD better when I got myself a dog. Bea makes me get outside in the fresh air and daylight every day, without fail. If I had a day where I couldn't be bothered, she'd suffer. If you don't have a dog, borrow one, or get yourself a walking buddy and hold each other accountable. If you struggle to get out in the daylight during the working day even ten minutes during your lunch break helps. Then at weekends get outside as much as possible, come rain or shine. Gardening's actually a really good one because it helps you work alongside nature - after all, fighting it is one of the main reasons folk suffer from SAD. This January seems to be lacking that very bright crisp sunlight we usually get, so it's even more important. The exercise will work wonders too. Speaking of which...

5 Exercise. Or, to rephrase - be active. SAD makes me want to curl up on the sofa or in my bed and not wake up until March. I feel sluggish and cold and the last thing I want to do is grab my shorts and a cold bottle of water and hop on the exercise bike. So I don't try. Nowadays I go to jive classes with a friend once a week. I'm so busy giggling and trying to remember the steps I don't realise I'm exercising. I walk Bea every day, even if it's dark out. I try and do some yoga at home several days a week too. Stretching my muscles and doing the poses at my own pace is something I can manage even when I feel lethargic. The meditation time also gives me an excuse to imagine myself on sunny beaches and in summer meadows - perfect for convincing the brain that it's not really winter after all. (Heat wave!) Failing all that, I pop some cheesy music on my iPod and dance around the house with the hoover. Trust me, everyone does it. 

My partner in SAD thrashing.
Having a furry friend who doesn't know how not to be happy really helps!

6. Food. In the warmer months I truly love a good salad and lots of fruit. But in the winter I feel the cold, and the idea of sinking my teeth into chilly vegetation doesn't always appeal. This year I'm making more of an effort to eat hot food packed with vegetables instead. I get a Graze box once a week, and drink fruit teas when I'm at work. I also have a fruit smoothie with spirulina most days. SAD - and winter in general - makes us crave fatty, salty foods, so it's about making sure I feel full without eating rubbish that will make me more sluggish and sleepy. (That said, I never want it written on this blog that a slice of cake or a stodgy pud every now and again won't do you the world of good. Just not every day.) 

7. Make the most of your more productive hours. Once I prise myself out of bed I am actually a morning person, so I make sure I get all the boring stuff that must be done out of the way in the mornings. If it's not a working day I use the time when I'm more sleepy in an afternoon to go out for a walk, or do active stuff like housework. Feeling down can mean a lot of procrastination, which leads to frustration and feeling more down, so I try to stop it creeping in and work to my own rhythm as much as my working day allows. 

8. Lastly - and this is a new thing for me that I've just brought in with the new year - I've given myself a bedtime. I feel like I'm about eight again, but it seems to be working. Getting enough sleep and having a good sleep routine help to curb the sleepiness and lethargy during the day. I also try to get up at the same time every day, even if I'm craving that Sunday lie in. I get up, head straight for the kettle, then spend the lie in time crafting instead. 

I really hope this post has given you some ideas for beating SAD if you think you may be a sufferer (check out my SAD Pinterest board for more inspiration), but let's face it, January and February can be difficult for everyone. No money, getting up in the dark, cold weather and illnesses flying around can make even the most sunny personality feel a little blue. One thing we can all be sure of - Spring always arrives. Bulbs seem to be sprouting early this year, and before you know it we'll be stripping off that third scarf, raising our faces to the sun and giving a whopping sigh of relief. It's a magical feeling every year. 

Over the next couple of weeks I hope to feature a few different recipes and food ideas I use at this time of year to feel comforted and full, but without stuffing myself with the sugar and fat I crave. 

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading, and if any of the above sounds familiar, I hope this post can help. Now go and create something!







PS: If you suspect you may suffer from SAD, rather than just a touch of the January blues, do read this on the Mind website. Also, allow me to sound like your mother and tell you to see your GP if you're not sure whether you have depression. It could be part of SAD, or it could not, but both need taking seriously.

PPS: The photos on this walk were taken on an awful day where I had wanted to take some craft project photos for this blog, but it never really got light in the house (any other bloggers having this problem?) I took Bea for a walk instead and found that there is always something to photograph after all. 

Autumn Adventures with a Vintage Ladybird Book

This vintage Ladybird nature book from 1966 was always present in my home when I was growing up, but it's only been this year that I sat down with it and looked at it properly. Looking turned to admiration at the stunning artwork within its covers, evoking a longing within me to don my wellie boots and go out nature spotting.

So that's exactly what I did. Using this book as my own 'I Spy' guide (remember those?), I captured autumnal images over a period of several weeks. 

Our pre-Christian ancestors celebrated Autumn as the New Year, marking the end of the light half of the year and the beginning of the dark. 

I have always loved getting out and about in nature, but this project made me really notice the little changes that happen as the seasons rotate, and appreciate everything from a hilltop scene changing colour to the arrival of a single mushroom.

As much as I adore Autumn and Winter I do suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, so it's really important that I get out in the daylight during these months as much as possible. Using What to Look for in Autumn reminds me that we are all natural creatures, and that by living more by the seasons and less by the clock, the television schedule and the demands of working life we can feel more in tune with nature and get more out of each season. As the adage goes, 

"Those who never get outside cannot thrive."

I certainly feel much happier when I get outside and don't spend the entire week under electric lighting.

I think I need the other three books in the series, now! What do you love most about Autumn?

Wishing you a leaf-crunching Monday,